Episode 128

#128. Danky Cran

Cake & Cookies. The Robb & Katie Show

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You know there's a timer in the upper left-hand corner of our recording.

Yeah, but you know what I always have to do? I have to find it. I have to find it.

Why do you have to find it?

Because I forget where it is.

It's in the window.

Well, yeah, but I mean, windows get dirty and sometimes you don't see it. I think it should

be in a different place, but you know, what are you going to do? But that's not why I brought you

here.

I had to, I had to move the desk.

Higher or lower?

I had to lower it because it made my microphone was like sitting up.

Too high, okay.

I was like...

Now, something that will come up during today's show is that I got myself a new board.

It's four by eight foot pine and it's, no, not that kind of board. It's a mixing board

built by road.

And it has lots of different tricks.

Yeah.

It has lots of tricks that it does.

But because of that, there was...

Wait, wait. You're going to drive me nuts today, aren't you?

Yep. You betcha.

But wait, but the one thing I want you to know is that when you're trying to set it up,

there's lots of tests you have to run. And I wanted to play a song for you. It goes a

little something like this.

This is the StreamYard success song.

Have a great show!

This song is brought to you by Kelsey and Presley of StreamYard Support.

Presley!

Have a great show!

She's moonlighting.

Testing the speakers at StreamYard. Sounds like they're working.

How big are the buttons?

Have a great show. What buttons?

On your board?

Oh, they're comically small next to my hands.

So, is it easy for Presley to push them with her little paws?

Yeah, yeah. She can move around. She would do better with the hot pads than she would with the faders.

Okay.

Poor kiddo.

She's so short.

I know. And you know what? She needs help in any way she can.

Oh my God. Yesterday, Dan and I, we were taking the dogs for a walk.

And I can't stand it when he walks in front of me because I can't see around him.

It feels like a safety issue deep in my soul.

So Dan blocks like all daylight?

Well, no. But I am much smaller than he is.

Yeah. But I mean, it sounds nice. I mean, the shade and everything.

Right. I assume.

It's like an eclipse.

Yeah.

Don't you wish everything was more rewarding? With Rakuten, almost everything is. You can earn cash back on those new shoes you've been wanting. You can save on the next trip you book. You can cash in on groceries. Just join. Shop your favorite brands and save. Target, Instacart, Expedia, Macy's, Sephora, CVS. The list is long. Save online, in-store, and at over 22,000 restaurants. And when it's time to redeem those rewards, get your money exactly how you want it. Choose PayPal, check, built points, or cash out with gift cards. Eligible American Express card members can choose to earn membership rewards points instead of cash back. Terms and conditions apply. So go ahead, take a trip, fill a cart, order dessert. Rakuten is a world of rewards. Join today for free. Go to Rakuten.com or get the app. That's R-A-K-U-T-E-N. You know there's a timer in the upper left-hand corner of our recording. Yeah, but you know what I always have to do? I have to find it. I have to find it. Why do you have to find it? Because I forget where it is. It's in the window. Well, yeah, but I mean, windows get dirty and sometimes you don't see it. I think it should be in a different place, but you know, what are you going to do? But that's not why I brought you here. I had to, I had to move the desk. Higher or lower? I had to lower it because it made my microphone was like sitting up. Too high, okay. I was like... Now, something that will come up during today's show is that I got myself a new board. It's four by eight foot pine and it's, no, not that kind of board. It's a mixing board built by road. And it has lots of different tricks. Yeah. It has lots of tricks that it does. But because of that, there was... Wait, wait. You're going to drive me nuts today, aren't you? Yep. You betcha. But wait, but the one thing I want you to know is that when you're trying to set it up, there's lots of tests you have to run. And I wanted to play a song for you. It goes a little something like this. This is the StreamYard success song. Have a great show! This song is brought to you by Kelsey and Presley of StreamYard Support. Presley! Have a great show! She's moonlighting. Testing the speakers at StreamYard. Sounds like they're working. How big are the buttons? Have a great show. What buttons? On your board? Oh, they're comically small next to my hands. So, is it easy for Presley to push them with her little paws? Yeah, yeah. She can move around. She would do better with the hot pads than she would with the faders. Okay. Poor kiddo. She's so short. I know. And you know what? She needs help in any way she can. Oh my God. Yesterday, Dan and I, we were taking the dogs for a walk. And I can't stand it when he walks in front of me because I can't see around him. It feels like a safety issue deep in my soul. So Dan blocks like all daylight? Well, no. But I am much smaller than he is. Yeah. But I mean, it sounds nice. I mean, the shade and everything. Right. I assume. It's like an eclipse. Yeah. So I was like, Dan, please, can I get in front of you? And he goes... And he steps aside. The furtive sigh? I was like, do you know why I want to be in front of you? And he goes, because you're short and rude. He's half right. So first of all, I was like... You are short. You're not very rude. Okay. Well, so he... I said something. I was like, you know what? Maybe pushy. So I said, you know what? This is the first time this has happened. What is happening? Oh, it's your real phone. It's the old-fashioned phone ringing. Answer it. Answer it. What happens? Hello? Yes? I can't hear anything. Yes. And a very good morning to you. You're shouting. I'm not shouting. And I hear a lot of people in the background. What are you selling? Oh, that's good. She's not selling anything. Oh, she wants donations? Oh. I guess I was shouting. A little. Well, I wanted it to be exciting. I mean, we needed a payoff when the actual bell... There's only three people that really have that number. I'm one of them. Yep. My mom and Mike. Okay. And sometimes my mom calls me on it because she says, oh, it sounds so good. Because it's a corded phone. I got even more angry at Dan. Okay. I'm sorry. Where we left off, he called you short and pushy? No. Rude. Rude. Rude. Rude and short, short and rude. Yes. Right. And I said, look, I can fix rude, but you don't have to call me short. And he goes, I wasn't in that way. I meant your demeanor. Oh, yeah. This is why you guys are a perfect couple. Why? Because he didn't insult your height. He insulted your demeanor. Something you could do something about. He had already destroyed every ounce of self-respect I had for myself. This is not a healthy relationship then. Earlier in the week. I apparently, so Sunday, on Sunday, I took a whole bunch of cold medicine and topped it off with a Benadryl chaser. You know what? Even when I was at my worst drinking, I never did that for pleasure, Katie. Well, it wasn't for pleasure because I was a little bit miserable. I see. And shocking, I fell asleep. No. But I fell asleep sitting up on the couch. Yes. With my head back and my mouth open. And he took a video of me and I was snoring. And he swears that I don't snore. But then he takes this video. And not only that, but like, I looked, had there not been sound, I looked like I could have been dead. Yeah, yeah. And you know what? That doesn't speak well of him. My grandmother used to have an expression about my Uncle Sam and Uncle Phillip. They're twins. Sam has passed. But when they were little, she would say, and I love this. I don't know about you two. One lies and the other swears to it. So if he swears you're not snoring and then gives you videotape of you snoring, what sort of vicious mind game is he playing? Rob, it's still messing with me. Gas is the light made of gas, huh? These little Charles Boyer action. People don't know there was a movie. They think they're so hip talking about gaslighting in the modern days with your Kardashians and your Robert F. Kennedy Jr. And all these modern people. But there was a movie called Gaslight in like 1942 or so. And that's where the expression comes from. It's based on a play called Angel Street. But this guy, Charles Boyer, he's driving this lady nuts. And what is it OK to do a spoiler alert for a movie that's 85 years old? I think it's OK for right now. Yeah. The jewels are part of the dress. Oh, of course they are. But she's going nuts because he's looking for the jewels. Every night he says he's going out. He puts on his top hat. I could do that. I'm not going to right now because it doesn't fit with the headphones. But he goes out and she's sitting alone and she's Ingrid Bergman. And she's all like, oh, I don't know what's going on here. And then the lights go down. Why does your Ingrid Bergman seem kind of Katharine Hepburnish? Oh, OK. Let me do a better Ingrid Bergman. OK. Hey, what's the matter, you? You stealing the jewels is no good for you. Is that good? That almost was Zsa Zsa. It was trying to be an Italian accent. I probably will get canceled for it. But she's going and she's nervous. It would be probably something like, oh, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. You know what? Actually, I can do Ingrid Bergman thanks to my new board. Hold on. I'm not sure what's going on. You sound like me. I know. I don't like this. This would be a great addition to the show because now I can do both parts. Like, hey, Katie, do you have another letter? I don't know, Rob. Oh, no, I should have done that the other way. Hold on. I got mixed up. Yes, you did. All right. Let's take it from the top and then we'll start the show. Hey, Katie, this is Rob Spiewak. Do you have another letter to read for us? I don't. I don't. Because I want you to read the letters. But you have them on a note card. Well, that doesn't mean you can't help out. Whee! And that's one of the tricks that the board does. Oh, I never did Ingrid Bergman, though. You're going to send me into a hot flash. I'm 47. I can't handle it. Play some of the old songs, Sam. I'm crying. I'll hum it for you. La-da-da-da-da-da. La-da-da-da-da-da-da. You know what? The pitch bending makes my voice singing worse if such a thing is possible. You must remember this. A kiss is still a kiss. Ingrid, you're going to have to stop. Yeah. I'm Katie. I'm half of this show. Get out of here, Ingrid Bergman. Ingrid, out. But that's that. Anyway. What were we talking about? Oh, gaslighting. Him gaslighting you and the movie Gaslight. Oh, and she'd leave. And, you know, it was a Victorian house. And so the lamps were all powered by? Gas. Gas. They were gas lights. And he would go up and he'd light up stuff in the attic because he's looking for the jewels. And because of the dent in the gas flow, the lights would go down in the living room. And she's like, oh. She's like, I don't know what's causing this. But it turns out he's evil. Well, Dan was. Joseph Cotton's in it too, I think. Apparently he was trying to wake me up. And I was. Before you go, go. I was being mean about it. And that's what he was trying. But then I was like. So was. Do you think he was in front of you because he was sore at you? No. You don't think he was playing you? That's different than gaslighting you. No. No. No? No. You know what? He doesn't really have an angry bone in his body to do something like that. He does not. He does not. But Cranky Dan is not someone anyone. No. But he will remove himself. Cranky Dan. It's Danky. Danky Cran. Will remove himself. Yeah. Yeah. Have you seen that recently? No. No. Not really. What's the last? Okay. The last question before we start the program. And it's very exciting because we have much to discuss. We have unearthed something from my family archives. I can't wait for you. I can't wait to see it. But the question. What is the most angry Dan was that caused him to remove himself from a situation that comes to mind? I know it might not be accurate in total, but you must have one that comes to mind. Carrie has one for me. Okay. There's been. I can't remember. Off the top of my head. There's one. And so he. Yeah. He still gets mad if I bring this up. Okay. He. He. Like. I don't know what it's called. Oh. Sciatica. Okay. He was having like a sciatic nerve. Like. That's back pain. Right? Yes. But it's like. W.C. Fields used to say. Ah. Suffering sciatica. Like really super low. And it was like. Did your butt hurt? I just kept asking. He's like. It's sciatica. And I'd be like. But it looks like it's. It's your butt. It looks like. It's in that weird region. Between the back and the ass. It's not right to the crack yet. But just above. He was. Because it went on for days. And I just. I would be like. Oh. You mean your butt? My butt. You would get so bad. You see. As a good wife. You should be saying. How is the small of your back. Dear? I never claim to be a good wife. I'm not. Not. Hey. How's your butt? Is your butt okay? How's it feel? But I mean. To the point. I would wake up in the morning. And be like. Hey. How's your butt feel this morning? You see. I know you. And. That was like. For most people. Like getting up for a cup of coffee. You wake up. And you go. Oh. Hey. How's your butt? And stay tuned. For soon to come. Our favorite. Cake and cookies. How's your butt? T-shirts. Yeah. He. Man. He still gets mad. If I. And then. Now. He'll listen to this. Because he does. But it's a shame. We can't like. Destroy this. And I could like. Call him out of the blue. In a week or two. And say. He won't listen to the show. I gave you some PayPal money. And also. One other question. If you have a moment. Yes. How's your butt? I don't think. He'd get mad at you. No. And then. We'd have to go back. To a sound effect. That refers back. To the old phone. Which is when something like that. Would happen. When I grew up. We would do the sound. Of hanging up on somebody. So. It'd be like. Dan. How's your butt? Click. Bah. And that's the sound of the. That is.

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