Episode 97

#97. This Fork Sucks!

Cake & Cookies. The Robb & Katie Show

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PodStreet Generated · Provider: Local-mlx-whisper · Model: mlx-community/whisper-large-v3-turbo · Generated At 2026-09-08 04:53:03

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School days are back, and that means it's time to be mindful of school zones.

When you enter an active school zone, slow down and stay alert.

Watch for flashing beacons, reduced speed limits, crossing guards, and children who may enter the roadway unexpectedly.

Speeding is one of the most common school safety violations, and the consequences can last a lifetime.

Children are counting on all of us to keep them safe.

Bright futures cross here.

Know your zone.

Learn more at flhsmv.gov slash child safety.

A message from the Florida Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles.

I'm going to try not to step on dude.

Good.

Don't forget to do the intro.

I never do.

I always do.

I don't think I'm so accurate.

I do pretty often.

Mike O'Mara, Radio Entertainment.

No.

Ah.

So, Katie.

How's your jaw?

We're going to need a bigger boat.

But we're going to need smaller headphones

Yes

We're waiting two months to play you that song

I was going to ask how long you've had that

Stacked up

There's one button on my iPad

There's an inch of dust on it

Because I'm just waiting

By the way, the name of that

Main title and first victim

By John Williams

The soundtrack of

Jaw

Or if you're from my family

Shark

Shark, shark movie

Shark movie

It's a favorite of this guy, Dude Walker

Cake and cookies

Rob and Katie

It's the Rob and Katie Show

You are now free to talk

Okay, thank you

Because you didn't step on Dude, Dude step

I was, well you

You kind of gave me a cue

Well your brain is scrambly

I'm a little scrambly today

Like raw eggs

I'm drinking coffee

True or false

Yesterday, Saturday

Dan offered to make you eggs

School days are back, and that means it's time to be mindful of school zones. When you enter an active school zone, slow down and stay alert. Watch for flashing beacons, reduced speed limits, crossing guards, and children who may enter the roadway unexpectedly. Speeding is one of the most common school safety violations, and the consequences can last a lifetime. Children are counting on all of us to keep them safe. Bright futures cross here. Know your zone. Learn more at flhsmv.gov slash child safety. A message from the Florida Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles. I'm going to try not to step on dude. Good. Don't forget to do the intro. I never do. I always do. I don't think I'm so accurate. I do pretty often. Mike O'Mara, Radio Entertainment. No. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. So, Katie. How's your jaw? We're going to need a bigger boat. But we're going to need smaller headphones Yes We're waiting two months to play you that song I was going to ask how long you've had that Stacked up There's one button on my iPad There's an inch of dust on it Because I'm just waiting By the way, the name of that Main title and first victim By John Williams The soundtrack of Jaw Or if you're from my family Shark Shark, shark movie Shark movie Shark movie It's a favorite of this guy, Dude Walker Cake and cookies Rob and Katie It's the Rob and Katie Show You are now free to talk Okay, thank you Because you didn't step on Dude, Dude step I was, well you You kind of gave me a cue Well your brain is scrambly I'm a little scrambly today Like raw eggs I'm drinking coffee True or false Yesterday, Saturday Dan offered to make you eggs True And you took him up on the offer 24 hours later Not knowing that a day had passed Also true Your brain is scrambly Yes Welcome everybody to Cake and Cookies I am Cake I'm Cookie And this is a semi-regular Reoccurring podcast In which we prove to you By virtue of comparison That your life is not that bad Did I say life or wife? Um, I I meant to say life I really, really did I thought you said life Yeah, I think But I was expecting you to say life That's certainly what I meant Because you know what? My wife rocks Yes So in your face Unhappily married America She rocks so much She has to go to a brewery For Mother's Day She did She said, uh You wanna go? And I had like Thousand hours of work In front of me I couldn't have shut my computer Down any faster My shirt never A brewery? Mother's Day? Let's go! Let's go! This gets me off the hook Zoom! Boom, bam! Boom, bam! Anyway, it is Cake and Cookies And we wanna say thank you Of course To Mike and Oscar and Pony For supporting this little venture And a welcome once again We have not joined you since March Because of Katie's failing face My failing face? Your failing face It's better now But your face was failing So I must ask I have to ask a question Uh-huh How have you been? No, I forget what my question was Where have you been? How have you been? What have you been doing? What are you doing? Oh! I took some time off To work on my album Um, uh The working title right now Is Creepy Christmas Songs We're gonna release it Around Halloween So, the songs are creepy But they're still Are they traditional Christmas songs? Yes, but creepy In what what? It depends on the song For instance Our song Yes, we have a song? A Christmas song Oh, we're gonna sing them That's what I've been working on Well, I thought it was a compilation Like a Dr. Demento thing No, no, no, no No, no, no, Rob Don't be an idiot For instance Our song Yes Our Christmas song Baby, it's cold outside Yes Creepy in its own right It is You don't even have to do anything to it No, we really don't have to touch it I'll tell you what creepy Christmas song That comes to mind for me And I wonder if our list jive I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus Little creepy, right? Little Yeah, it is Because there's a lot of You know what? I saw Mommy cheating on Daddy Yeah With Santa Claus But Santa Claus Is it okay? And is Santa really the kind of guy That is like looking for a little action Outside of his marriage? Have you seen Mrs. Claus? Great Baker But also if Santa put white rocks If Santa put white rocks in his front yard Would you see them? Because there's snow everywhere Oh Well Santa Claus swinging Maybe he goes the southern route And he just puts out a pineapple Chris Swingle No, no, no No, no, no So But obviously If Santa was a guy That was looking for some strange And I want to thank you For taking us down this route Our first segment Back after two months I don't even know where this is going He has a pretty good setup He does He goes to every house I mean how many houses Does he pop into? Every house He can stop time and start it Yeah Every house He goes to And you know Everybody is there And Santa is What did you get in your stocking? I got a me too moment That's not funny That isn't So stop it I don't know why Pony made me say that Pony made you say that? He writes all these jokes And he emails them to me And then I feel like I should read them But I shouldn't That's a lie That's a lie They come on post-it notes I know how it works Yeah, he's living in my basement And writing jokes for me The caller is inside the house Mr. Spiewak, I'm afraid that the bad jokes Were written inside your home Run, run, run So what's another creepy Christmas Oh, I tell you one that's not creepy But upsetting Okay The little drummer boy Okay Because if you have a newborn infant In a barn Laying on straw All right It's going to be some sort of trick To get that kid to sleep And then What gift did you bring for my child? Playing your drum is probably not I got a snare drum I got a snare drum I'm going to play Okay, buddy Rich Why don't you leave? Get out of here We don't need your drum You know, bring a rattle next time Bring, you know, some diapers Something like that I'm not a fan of little drum Murr Frankincense Abbott and Costello Meet Frankincense Is my favorite Christmas movie That's not Okay All right Do you have any other creepy songs? He said you've been working on it I don't I didn't come prepared I didn't know you were going to go down the road I thought it was just going to be a I would drop the joke and go Oh, you know me I'll hold it in my mouth And shake it in a figure eight Until that son of a bitch is dead Oh What? I had a really bad Like before So there was a space of time Before I could go back to work But my mom had to leave Yes So I was just sort of left So to be clear Your mom is no longer In the domicile No So she's not As she has done in the past Forgive me if she listens Hanging in the doorway While we record Asking if she could come on No Good Because that makes me a trifle uneasy Me too Well, probably more so for you But it's because she's steaming behind me I know The mother is in the house She's right behind me Isn't she? We've traced the mother And the mother is in the house No, no, no She's not I installed a LoJack on her While she was here So MoJack MoJack So the space of time That you were unattended Right Presley and Judd I think Your dogs Yes Yeah They I mean, we haven't done this show In two months We haven't done this show In two months Let's do a reset Okay Previously on Cake and cookies Presley and Judd I guess had killed something And then it rained a couple days So they didn't really go out Oh, to attend to the corpse Yeah And then when they did Oh, it was ripe Oh, dear So then they both rolled in it Oh, I hate Dogs, why do you do that? And I had to I wasn't about to pick up I couldn't even tell what the animal was Right Was it Is there a chance It could have been a neighbor? No, no, no, no Too small for that Okay The only one on your street Small enough to have been Would have been you And you're alive So it's okay Okay Or one of the children But we don't talk about that That's just Well, you know Children are replaceable Adults are where it's at So it was in the backyard So I had to Close them Off of the backyard And then walk them around The side of the house I wasn't letting them in the house No, of course not Uh-uh Well, the way I discovered it Was Judd ran in And like looked at me And then hopped up on my The love seat In my office And then the smell hit me And the smell was death You see And they are so Dogs are so proud Of when they roll in corpse No He wouldn't look at me Like he looked at me And then it was like Uh-oh I made eye contact Like if you don't make eye contact You're not going to smell it Right Yeah Well, good news, buddy We can smell We have olfactory senses But the second I The second we made eye contact He looked away And then he just dashed off And I was like No Yeah Where's he going? My god He's going to try to rub it off On the couch or something Yeah, yeah, yeah And that's That's dangerous Now, do they also roll in For lack of a better word Scat sometimes If they find animal scat Linus will do that It's happened to Presley once But I think it was an She didn't mean to Okay Because she She ran in And was crying Oh, she didn't like it No, she didn't like it By the way I've just Table this for a minute Because what we have here Is we have your dog Missing in your house Smelling of corpse So No, he Well, I thought he was in the house He ran out the doggy door Dog E Door E Yeah, like wall E Yeah, so hold on I just have to really I want to give the cake and cookies Intelligent canine of the week award To Linus yesterday Who took me for a walk As he sometimes does But this was very aggressive You're on his walk Because I closed the door The front door But didn't click it I mean, but it was closed There was no light coming in I just didn't push it So the The doorknob thing engaged, right? And I had to grab one thing He walked down Snooted it open And went off And I'm like Damn it And so I watch him And I know now he has two destinations He either takes the Go to the end of the road And take a left route Or go to the end of the road And take a right route And I'd be able to trace him Because of this whistle device On his collar And so I see he'd taken a left A what? The whistle device It's a GPS tracking device It's a sponsor on the Mike O'Mara show That you can Oh, the whistle device Okay, I'm sorry I heard you wrong Okay, and so He ran to the left And I said, aha He's going to the mailboxes On Tennessee Avenue That's where he always does I know where that is And what's so great is when And I've said this on the show before Is that when he gets there And I'm there waiting for him He's like, oh dad You're here too? Great! It's like, oh How'd you get here? I came to get the mail I came to check the mail Of our neighbors Because our mailbox isn't here So he was going down First I watched him run by Maybe within 10 feet Of a groundhog I mean, and a groundhog is big Like tombstone big He just runs right by it Doesn't give it a second look Are you kidding? And then I see him coming really close And there is You know how behind townhouses Everyone has like 20 by 20 foot of yard Backyard And sometimes they're fenced in And sometimes they're not Well, this was not fenced in And it was The grass was extraordinarily long Because these neighbors Didn't cut their grass Say the grass is like Maybe 10 inches high You know It's going to seed up top It was that long Gotcha And so Linus, of course Wants to pounce And romp In the long grass So he does that On the way to seeing me And coming to the mail Okay He romps and stops In the grass And then I see some motion Literally two feet behind him Like inches behind him And it's a bunny Oh He stumbled upon a bunny? Didn't see it Are you kidding? It was two feet behind him Rustling grass And he didn't see it And the bunny Hopped out onto the short grass Where it had been mowed And I swear to you This is true The bunny looked at me Like as if to say I can't believe I just got out of there And then he was off Like a shot So you're telling me When you say He gets the High dog IQ Yeah It's an iron

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