Episode 64

#64. F.U.U.C.

Cake & Cookies. The Robb & Katie Show

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Military life isn't predictable, but earning your master's degree can be.

With American Military University's 40-plus flexible online master's programs,

you can stay mission-ready while you get market-ready.

Learn anywhere, anytime, with an education built to keep pace, steady, reliable, and always accessible.

Plus, military service members, veterans, and their families can save up to 45% on master's tuition

with AMU's special rates and grants.

Learn more at amu.apus.edu.

Steady through every mission.

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile.

Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month is back.

So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills.

But it turns out that's very illegal.

So there goes my big idea for the commercial.

Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch.

Upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for a 12-month plan required.

$15 per month equivalent.

Taxes and fees extra.

Initial plan term only.

Greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy.

C terms.

And now the sound of ice.

Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink.

There's no caffeine in wine.

I do have a wine, but I also have a water.

Did you turn one into the other?

Kind of a hack bit.

It was done a long time ago.

I don't like to give away my secrets.

Let's see if we can do a show.

Are you quite ready?

I think so.

All right.

Begin.

Mike O'Mara Radio Entertainment.

Hey there.

This is Katie with a very hateful thought of the day.

I hate it when people don't know how to treat a public restroom.

It's really quite simple.

Go in.

Do your business.

You make no eye contact.

Wash your hands.

And leave.

Now make no mistake.

If you're going to talk on your phone in a public restroom, then I'm going to make as

much noise as possible because unless it's at a fancy restaurant bathroom and you need

to take a call privately, like you're important and a doctor, there should be no cell phone

use in the restroom.

Target restroom?

CVS restroom?

Supermarket restroom?

No cell phones.

And finally, let's not forget to treat the place with kindness.

Don't write on the walls.

Don't toss nasty things on the floor.

And oh my gosh, do not poo or pee anywhere but the toilet.

It's called a restroom, not a lose your damn mind room.

I hate people who don't treat public spaces with respect.

And you!

Military life isn't predictable, but earning your master's degree can be. With American Military University's 40-plus flexible online master's programs, you can stay mission-ready while you get market-ready. Learn anywhere, anytime, with an education built to keep pace, steady, reliable, and always accessible. Plus, military service members, veterans, and their families can save up to 45% on master's tuition with AMU's special rates and grants. Learn more at amu.apus.edu. Steady through every mission. Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills. But it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for a 12-month plan required. $15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only. Greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy. C terms. And now the sound of ice. Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink. There's no caffeine in wine. I do have a wine, but I also have a water. Did you turn one into the other? Kind of a hack bit. It was done a long time ago. I don't like to give away my secrets. Let's see if we can do a show. Are you quite ready? I think so. All right. Begin. Mike O'Mara Radio Entertainment. Hey there. Hey there. This is Katie with a very hateful thought of the day. I hate it when people don't know how to treat a public restroom. It's really quite simple. Go in. Do your business. You make no eye contact. Wash your hands. And leave. Now make no mistake. If you're going to talk on your phone in a public restroom, then I'm going to make as much noise as possible because unless it's at a fancy restaurant bathroom and you need to take a call privately, like you're important and a doctor, there should be no cell phone use in the restroom. Target restroom? CVS restroom? Supermarket restroom? No cell phones. And finally, let's not forget to treat the place with kindness. Don't write on the walls. Don't toss nasty things on the floor. And oh my gosh, do not poo or pee anywhere but the toilet. It's called a restroom, not a lose your damn mind room. I hate people who don't treat public spaces with respect. And you! I hate you too! Excuse me? Yes? Which way to the lose your damn mind room? I think we're there. Now I hate to read ahead, but I know why you have such passion invested in this week's It's been a rough week. Hateful thought. It's been a rough week. So let's get right to it after this man, who by the way, I met in a public restroom. I never did. Oh. It was a joke. I was just trying to get the ratings out. This is a man who I've never been to a public restroom with. Did you tap it? No, no, no. There was no gesture. No secret stuff. I don't think I've even been to a private restroom with this man. Poor Judd is looking at me like, mom, get it together. You got a long way to go. It's a bad week, mom. Hey Judd, look, it's Dude Walker. Oh, dude. Cake and cookies. Better. Rob and Katie. It's the Rob and Katie show. Dude doesn't like the bathroom talk. Bitter. No foot tapping. I don't know what number show this is, but it's got to be in the hundreds by now. 63? Sure. Wait, wait. Is this 64? Is it? Will you still need me? Will you still feed me? When I'm 64? Is it? Do you want to check? Okay. You can. In the meantime, I'll mention this. That this is Cake and Cookies, a semi-regular podcast to prove once and for all that your life in comparison is not that bad. We are a division of Moore Broadcasting, and I'd like to say a sincere thank you to Mike O'Mara, Oscar Santana, Tony Bloom, and everyone at Moore Broadcasting, including Rob and Joe. Oh. Highlight, Rob and Joe. This is 64! This is number 64, and it's 64-tastic. Okay. We've already done about an hour and a half of show, and it's time we begin to share it with you, the valued listener. Katie, how's your week been? Rob? We were supposed to record this about two weeks ago. Rob? Yes? It's been shitty. No, you mustn't say that. I know you want to use that word, but it's a horrible word. I know. It's had to do with feces. Casey. Yes. Walk us through it. Well, okay. Here's the situation. My parents went away for a week vacation. Did they understand? Parents just don't. They just don't understand. They don't get it. So we had intended on recording last week. Yes. Now, last Tuesday, things kind of... Stop it. That's not even funny. Things blew up. Spun out of hand. Everything was like an exorcism on Tuesday. So Dan and I are in the house on Tuesday, and the toilets kind of were slow. Yes? So Dan went to Home Depot because the plungers that we have are round, but the toilets that we have have... Square? Square, rectangular. Do you have the kind of plunger that has sort of like a thing that goes... No, not the beehive kind. The kind that is sort of bell-shaped, and then it has an inverted thing that sort of goes down in? Well, yes, but we had to buy the beehive. Ah, because of the shape. Because of the shape of the toilet. I understand now. What we did not know... Yes? ...was that things had gone awry in the guest house. Okay, now, for those who are just joining us, they should know that your house was built in the 50s, early 60s? 30s! The 1930s! 1930s! But it's had renovations and changes done since then. The 1936-37 is when it was built. And there was, as are many of the houses on your street, a drive-in garage that has been converted to a guest house. Yes. Very nice one. Very, very nice. I've stayed in it twice. I love it. Well, it's also the lowest point. Meaning what? Of, like, the house, the property, everything. It actually is a little bit lower. Oh, okay. All right. Like a ravine. I mean, no, but the backyard is now. Oh, okay. We got to take this one piece at a time. Oh, Rob. So, I am... Dan runs out to go buy the right kind of plunger. Because at this point, you don't normally check on the guest house. No, why would we? Yeah, you just assume everything is fine. Like, we don't... No. Okay. Haven't had any guests. Nope. No big deal. So, but Dan goes out to buy the right kind of plunger because we think it's just sort of a plunging situation. It's not. Nope. But when he returns home from the Home Depot, he realizes, oh, gosh, I got to go to the bathroom. I'll go out to the guest house since I'm not... Nothing, we haven't plunged or whatever. So, he goes out to the guest house where there has been... Oh, no. A sewage exorcism. Now, I have in my hand the actual text that I received from you last Tuesday. Oh. It is... It's dated... Wait a second. It was Tuesday. It just reset. Jerk. Here we go. Oh, it's so bad to look back on all of this stuff. What happened is... Okay, this is dated Tuesday, January 26th, 4.36 p.m. I believe we were ready to record at 6 o'clock that night. That was what we were trying to do. Well, yeah, I wasn't ready. It never happened, but that was what I was... That was the plan. It reads, Dear Casey, I can't record a show tonight. Suddenly, the plumbing in the guest house exploded. It's like dot, dot, dot, fuzzy, moldy sewage. Luckily, it didn't spread far, but emergency plumbers are here, and I'm in shock. And then my reply, perhaps not well thought out, I was in the parking lot of Target, and my initial reply was, that's cool. I know, and I was like... But I didn't mean... I think I actually pushed my phone away as if... I was just as disgusted with your, that's cool, as I was with what I had stumbled upon. I didn't mean it was cool that you had musty sewage, musty fuzzy sewage. What I meant is that it's cool that we postponed. I totally understand what you're going through. Please... And then I wrote, please don't blame the Spewax, because I know we have twice been guests in that space. And then I'm sorry you're dealing at... Let's do Friday. And then it goes on... Friday was bad. Here's another update from you. Having a drink and making a plan. Plan so far includes me staying in a hotel and taking off the day tomorrow. And then this was the most heartbreaking text. Looking like a dig up the yard type of thing. So sad. And then you said, you're probably going to need a new floor, since the Spewax have used our guest house so many times. Any preferences for the new floor? And I... I didn't know if you had a preference. I texted a picture of John Travolta on the lighted dance floor in Saturday Night Fever. Yes, and I told you promptly that if we were going to do that, then of course we would replace the lighting with a disco ball. We would remove all of the furniture, because there are hardwoods in there, or there were hardwoods in there. There will be again. Again. But we will remove all of the furniture, just make sure that Carrie packs her roller skates. And then the last encounter we have is when I tried to call you to see how things were, and you said, I've got to go! And you hung up, and I thought perhaps there was a problem, or perhaps I had said something. And then you've texted me, I was sweeping the floor, and Dan yelled, I gotta go somewhere! Grabbed the keys and bolted. Not in a funny way. I believe it's called fecal urgency. We are stressed. And... So we can't poop in the house, so we're calling it fecal urgency, which right now, in so many ways, it's F-U. Yeah, F-U. I've often noticed that that is the initials of that disastrous situation. Yes. Well, when we were speaking on the phone, Dan and I were actually on our way to Target. Okay. Now, but you kept talking, and we were parking, and I was like, Rob, you don't understand. It's been like a day and a half, and I gotta go. Well, when you said, I gotta go, I thought you meant you had to hang up. I didn't mean... No, no, I meant it in many ways. Yes, I understand now. Now I understand. I had to go, like, big potty. Yes. And I needed to hang up the phone. And you did. And you did. Now, I will say, though, the day... So all of this happened last Tuesday. Okay. Now, by the time Wednesday rolled around, and we were told we could not use the water in our house. Now, this means you can't pour anything down the sink. Nope. You can't flush. Nope. Could you turn on the spigot? Not if it wasn't going into, like, a glass. Okay. So water could come in, but it's almost not even worth the risk. Right. Water couldn't go out. Okay. Right. At one point, I did have an, oh, no, what have I done moment. I picked up one of the, like, the dog's water bowl. Yes. And I just out of habit... Sure. ...poured out the old water and, you know, rinsed it out and, like, started to put new water in it. And I was like, what have I done? What a jerk. What have I done? Oh, no. Did it cause any damage? No. Good. Nobody said anything. Good. And it all happened so suddenly. But I do have to tell you that there was a severe karma come back to get me moment. Okay. Between the Rob, I gotta go conversation. That was Thursday, the Rob, I gotta go. It was either Thursday or Friday. That sounds about right. So Tuesday night, I stayed in a hotel. No. A luxury hotel? No. A big, expensive, high-rise? Right. It was fine. Five stars? I stayed in a hotel, so at any rate, Dan was staying here with the dogs. Right. And he was sort of going back and forth between the hotel because, you know, we both needed to shower. At some point, you have to pee. Sure. You know, and stuff. Can I ask a question that may be too forward? You can decline to answer. That's fine. Has Dan peed in the yard? Yeah. That was the other reason why I stayed in the hotel. Because he has the option. Yes. And Dan stayed here with the dogs because Dan and the dogs can pee in the yard. And often do. I do not have squattability. We've actually discussed this in a previous episode. I know. We have discussed it. For me, camping is fine. But for me to quote unquote squat to pee, I have to strip fr

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