Episode 47

#47. Bowl of Serial

Cake & Cookies. The Robb & Katie Show

January 1, 2015 · 1 hr 53 min

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I'm here on a job site with Tim, who owns his own electrical contracting business.

Three employees and two work trucks.

Tim traded up to Geico Commercial Auto Insurance.

We're positively here where he needs us most.

They sure are.

With step-by-step help on all his insurance needs.

All for shockingly low rates.

Shockingly low, huh?

Just a little bit of electrician humor.

Do you get it?

I got it.

You know, it feels like we have a real connection.

All right, I'll stop.

Get a commercial auto insurance quote today at geico.com and see how much you could say it feels good to Geico.

Hold on.

I'm moving the jingles in.

We're very close to starting.

Are we?

Yep.

Right.

Just relax, all right?

I'm just not sure why we're not ready.

Because there's a lot of stuff to...

I seem to be forgetting something, and if you keep talking, you're going to not let me remember.

I know what you were going to say.

What?

You were going to say, if you keep talking, you're going to ruin it.

Well, maybe.

I know!

Don't ruin it.

Cheers, Mr. Spilak.

Here's to you.

All right.

Now, I've got to...

Am I not, like, a window in your screen?

You are!

But it's wee and small.

Oh.

See, because your head is so big.

I can see you.

That's right.

You're going to ruin my head.

Oh, hold on.

Hello?

Hey.

Hi.

Carrie?

Hold on.

Can you hear me now?

I think what people need to know is that Rob has answered his cell phone, which apparently

doesn't work, in Rob Radio headquarters.

So Rob now has legitimately one foot out the door while he's trying to answer his cell phone.

God, she loves to complain.

I narrated.

I can't wait to hear that.

Just a little bit.

All right.

Let's do this.

Let's start.

I'm here on a job site with Tim, who owns his own electrical contracting business. Three employees and two work trucks. Tim traded up to Geico Commercial Auto Insurance. We're positively here where he needs us most. They sure are. With step-by-step help on all his insurance needs. All for shockingly low rates. Shockingly low, huh? Just a little bit of electrician humor. Do you get it? I got it. You know, it feels like we have a real connection. All right, I'll stop. Get a commercial auto insurance quote today at geico.com and see how much you could say it feels good to Geico. Hold on. I'm moving the jingles in. We're very close to starting. Are we? Yep. Right. Just relax, all right? I'm just not sure why we're not ready. Because there's a lot of stuff to... I seem to be forgetting something, and if you keep talking, you're going to not let me remember. I know what you were going to say. What? You were going to say, if you keep talking, you're going to ruin it. Well, maybe. I know! Don't ruin it. Cheers, Mr. Spilak. Here's to you. All right. Now, I've got to... Am I not, like, a window in your screen? You are! But it's wee and small. Oh. See, because your head is so big. I can see you. That's right. You're going to ruin my head. Oh, hold on. Hello? Hey. Hi. Hi. Carrie? Hold on. Can you hear me now? I think what people need to know is that Rob has answered his cell phone, which apparently doesn't work, in Rob Radio headquarters. So Rob now has legitimately one foot out the door while he's trying to answer his cell phone. God, she loves to complain. I narrated. I can't wait to hear that. Just a little bit. All right. Let's do this. Let's start. Can we? Michael Mera. Radio Entertainment. Hey there! This is Katie with a very hateful thought of the day. I hate people who can't behave properly. Just because you aren't staying long and have one foot out the door does not mean you should let it slam as you leave. Bow out gracefully. Say goodbye. And tie up your crap in a nice little package. If you're a guest in somebody's home, treat it as if you treat your own place. Unless, of course, you're a complete slob. In which case, look around and do as good as what you've been set up with. I hate rotten, messy humans. And you! I hate you too! That doesn't have anything to do with the fact that mom was recently a house guest, does it? Oh, no, no, no, no. I bet she was a marvelous guest. Rob, she unpacked my kitchen? She cleans? The woman leaves things like... It's like a fairy left. Everything's sparkly and pretty and smells good. You know how in old movies when people want to make a prediction or set up an alibi, they write something down on an envelope or in an envelope and they mail it to themselves? Kreskin! Right. I'm about to mail an envelope to myself that says, we might not finish this episode because we are only six minutes into it and you've already gone... I don't think that's a big... Oh. D-who? I really do. I haven't had... I haven't even had two losses in line. Okay. I might have bitten the cork with my teeth at one point, but that was just for show. Well, yeah, you've been hopping around there like Long John Silver. I mean... Arr! Arr! Hey, you know who my favorite pirate is? Dude Walker. Cake and cookies. Rob and Katie. It's the Rob and Katie Show. Rob and Katie listened to by Mike O'Mara. And lots of other people too. I think that's awesome. I have books on my shelf. He quoted the podcast. Shocking. I was out of my mind excited. So if you are listening, Mike... Well, it just means that... Mike, if you are listening, I'm trying to do this show sober. Hello. Hello. I might... Oh, dear. I think I might just release some fluid out of my nose. Oh, did you release water out of your nose? A little bit. Yeah, yeah. Sorry about that, guys. That's why it's not a TV show. Hi, I'm Cake. And I'm Cookie. And it's the Rob and Katie Show. Episode number 47. It is the podcast that reminds you on a weekly basis that your life isn't that bad. Thank you to the aforementioned Mike O'Mara, Oscar Santana. Thank you, Mike. Tony Boom. Tony Bloom. Boom, boom. Who actually was in my home today. And all the folks at More Broadcasting. And of course, Steve Bridges, who I will say at one time aired the show. I don't know if he's still... So, Oscar V doesn't air it anymore? I don't know. I haven't spoken to him. Why? He's building a new studio. I haven't spoken to him in a while. I should call him. Was it Jan's birthday this week? Yes, it was. It was. Happy birthday, Jan. Hear, hear. We're going to do a Rob radio when he opens the new studio. Even though I won't be there. Like, stalker. What? No, no, you're fine. I just sounded like a stalker. I think you're fine. Wasn't it Jan's birthday? As if Jan knows who the heck I am. Hey, wouldn't it be okay if I sent two dozen lilies to their house with an unsigned card? Sure, that'd be fine. I'm sure they'd love it. Who's this? I don't know, honey, but we're changing the locks. And Steve would say, okay, trade it out. By the way, I wasn't going to talk about the audio book. Call Bandolino. I just want to tell you this, is that because there were so many people quoted in the audio book of Open Mic, we couldn't get them all again to voice their parts. So when we called on to do the Steve Bridges part, I did his voice. No. It's great. Are you serious? I'm serious as a heart attack. No pun intended. Well, Steve doesn't have heart issues. I do. No. But anyway, so that's... I know, what? Right? But you guys, like, you know Steve really well. Why would... He's very busy. Do you think that's funny? I do. You're not... No. I do think it's funny that I did his voice. You are not a cunning mimic. No, Mike is. Right, but you're not. I do some voices. What? Other than Steve Bridges? Ugh. I don't think we can get your show on this week. I do some voices, and we will discuss it, actually, in the question portion of today's episode. I don't think you have voices. I absolutely do. Other than your own? Yes! Just this week, I destroyed Mike O'Mara with my Betty Davis impression. Oh, for Christ's sake! You can do Kathleen Turner and Betty Davis. You can be women who smoked for the majority of their lives. All right, ladies and gentlemen, I'm now going to turn around like Frank Gorshin would do on the Ed Sullivan Show, and when I turn back, I'm going to be Betty Davis. I wasn't going to do this into the question portion, but you've earned it. So, ladies and gentlemen, Miss Betty Davis. Well, well. Look at you. You think I can't do voices. Thank you. Really? Nothing at all? No. What about the fact that the way I sidled my way... Your inflection was good? The way I sidled my way on to the Don and Mike show years ago was I would call up as Jimmy Stewart. You mean Dolores? No, no, no, no. Before I was an intern. Keep... You keep saying that I just do women voices. No, you do Jimmy Stewart. I can't do Jimmy Stewart. I sound like a... Everybody can do Jimmy Stewart except you. I sound like a mouse from Cinderella. Not Gus. I can't do Jimmy Stewart. You sound more like Jacques than Gus. Hi. Gus, Gus. Gus, Gus. Gus. Gus. The cutest. The absolute cutest. His little shirt wouldn't go down. He was so cute. Yeah, it's kind of like a little Rodent Rob Spiewak. A t-shirt that won't cover his stomach. All right. We'll revisit... Cinderella, Cinderella. Really? And we'll make her dress so pretty. I will say, do you know how many times I've had people in the business actually say to me, have you ever thought about doing cartoons? Yes. You should. I don't even break into that. I know they need a Ned Flanders. Do you do Ned Flanders? Yay! No, I don't think so. Well, hi, did we do, neighbor? Well, you see, that's okay. This thing is, my real voice is like a character voice. All you need is one voice, and you'll be fine. You could do that. Wait a minute. All I need is love. All I need is bread. Which verb are you using? I have been told this over and over and over again. Which verb are you using? Because I'm... K-N-E-A-D. What do you need? I need some dough, baby. There is no way we're finishing this episode. Is that your fault or mine? I'm not even tipsy. What's wrong with you? Have you been driving children around? Yeah, I drove Adnan and Robert to the rec center. I didn't expect to get to this this early. Robert has a new friend. His name is Adnan. And you took them... To the rec center? I knew I had to drop them off. But what were they going to do at the rec center? What was in their gym bags? And who bought them the Gatorade? And where did they get the money? And what was in the locker? And who was going to pick them up? And if I did pick them up... Would I be sober? So he's got a friend named Adnan. And that's fine. Because if Robert were to listen to a podcast about cereal, it would be like Cinnamon Toast Crunch. But when he introduces me to Adnan, that's all I think about. I think of the poor girl in the trunk. Did you do the involuntary... Of course you're going to smile when you meet your children's friends. Right. But you do this sort of involuntary Adnan. Yeah, exactly. It's like meeting a kid named Elvis. Right. He's going to be trailed by that his whole life. You know, I got to tell you, thank God we named Presley Presley. Yes. Because if we... If Dan and I had a child... Yes. Legit... The kid... If it was a girl, would have been Presley Von Herman. If it was a boy, it would have been Elvis Von Herman. Can you imagine going through life, Elvis Von Herman? It would have happened. I know it would have, and it would have been an ugly situation for that boy. It really would have. Although, you know what? Presley's a great name. I really do think so. You really think, like, a kid could get away being named... With being named Presley Von Herman? They could be called Press. I think that's great. Presley Von Herman? Sure. Press, press, pull. If you're a girl, I don't think you want to be called Press. There wasn't a payphone at the Best Buy. And whose cell phone was it? I looked in the trunk. I wanted jumper cables, but all I found was a corpse. Very distasteful. So they played basketball and they did the swim and pool thing. No corpses. And there is nothing quite as nasally challenging as two 12-year-old boys climbing into your car after... And here's... I know exactly what happened. They played basketball until they were all sweaty. Oh, they were so sweaty. And then they went and jumped in the pool with their pores wide open. Great song by Creed, by the way. Pores wide open. They jumped into the swimming pool with their pores wide open and there was all the chlorine. And by the way, the wreck pool, they might lean a little heavy on the chlorine. I can't imagine why. So they jump in the pool and their bodies go... Got to kill all those germs. Clorox and sweat. Yeah, exactly. They're still sweating. Yes, exactly. There's still sweat coming out underneath the chlorine. And the body's absorbing the chlorine. And so Robert gets into... And the body's at the floor. And the body's at the floor. Robert gets in the car and says what all 12-year-olds say. Hey, Dad. I'm hungry. What's for dinner? Yeah. There's got to be food after the day. I said we're having hot dogs tonight and we can boil them or grill them. Oh, this week. I said do you want hot dogs boiled or grilled? He said, well, you can grill them if you don't burn them. I said, well, that's not... The boy has taste. That's always the idea. Because the thing is when you grill a hot dog you want it to be crisp but not black, right? I hate to bring color into it but really that's what it is. It needs to have snap. It does need to have snap. That's a very good... That's a foodie word. Snap. It's got to have snap. So... But when I do hot dogs on the grill what I do is I usually lay them perpendicular to myself so that I just roll them on the grate, right? And then you pretend. How dare you? I'm so sorry. I made kielbasa with peppers and pierogi

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